I’m totally a phase person.
I have gone through so many phases that now, when I feel another one brewing, I often talk to myself. Out Loud. It usually goes something like this.
Look Kat. You will stick to this. You must. This isn’t a phase. It will not be a phase. Phase-Shmase.
Yesterday, as I noticed my fantastic, ever-promising exercise machine looking a little dusty, I wondered when I would use the damn thing again.
Tomorrow I will cross-train so hard I will not be able to move a bone in my body for weeks!
And while (I guess) phases are a part of life, I want to try eradicate their prevalence in mine. So in order to do this, I’ve decided to a kind of public acknowledgement of some of my most memorable phases. If only for your amusement and my embarrassment.
The countless attempts at trying to write a BOOK
You know the notes section of the iPhone? In mine, you will find numerous ideas for a novel that have come to me at random times of the day. The ideas that will, you know, make me millions.
I’ve written actual chapters before, and sometimes have even got so far as Chapter Four.
And that’s where it ends.
The nightly tea which made me wee
For a while there I was Queen Tea. I bought numerous pretty tea pots and mesh strainers and tea tins and cups and saucers and countless varietals of loose leaf tea. Health tea, antioxidant tea, refreshing tea, digestion tea, calming tea, sleeping tea. Tea Tea Tea.
I would have numerous cups each night and would feel warm and fuzzy and ready for bed.
Until I realised Tea was to blame for my regular visits to the toilet.
Tea is now banned after 5pm.
Kat the Homie-G
There was a time – back in the day – when my friends despised getting in the car with me because Rap.
Eminem, Dr Dre, Tupac and Snoop Dogg regularly made (loud) appearances out of the speakers of my VW Golf (my fave pre-marriage and kids car) and I would know and rap every word myself.
There were a lot of flying hand movements and f-words.
Now, I look back at myself and think, what a try hard.
Kat the Smoker
Sorry Mum and Dad if you’re reading this. But I was a social smoker for about 12 months, when I was around 21.
The sad thing is, I don’t even think I enjoyed it. I just did it because it went so well with going out to nightclubs and doing all the wild things young people do. I suppose I even thought I looked cool.
And then I woke up one day and nearly vom’d at the thought of smoking. And so I quit the stupid habit that didn’t even rock my world.
Again, in reflection, massive try hard.
Nightly pre-bed Seinfeld episodes
Before he met me, my husband hated Seinfeld. He hated it as a show, hated Jerry as a comedian. He just didn’t get it.
And then the box-set came out and I was determined to convert him to a lover not a hater.
So every night we watched an episode, starting from Season 1, and he would still fight the love I could tell was burning deep within.
He would watch an episode every night and say “I’m only watching because Jerry puts me to sleep”.
And then one day, he admitted the truth.
That he was in love. Converted. And was a now devout member of the Seinfeld Religion.
And when we finished watching every episode in the box-set, we weeped. And mourned. Until we decided to watch them all again.
Until we could watch no more. I know that sounds impossible but turns out there does come a time when Jerry can’t bid you goodnight.
Phase. (But a good one).
Exercise. And Yoga. And exercise.
Look. I’m not ashamed to admit I wasn’t blessed with any athletic genes. Although I think I was pretty good at Tennis. #Phase
But I’ve always wanted to be fit and toned and everything else that exercise rewards you with.
Wanted being the operative word here.
I’ve bought yoga mats and lovely gym clothing as inspiration and motivation. Good quality stuff because, you know, you want it to last. #TagsStillOn
I’ve started and cancelled numerous gym memberships.
I’ve signed up and forfeited countless yoga sessions.
I’ve bought miracle exercise machines that promise me a body sculpture like Elle Macpherson. Without her height of course. You can’t re-sculpt being a short-arse.
And I stick to some of these things. Sometimes for months.
But it always ends the same way.
Phase phase phase.
So now that some of my phases are out in the open, I want to hear yours! What are some of your phases?
I love and appreciate reading your comments – and who doesn’t love a discussion, so please, join in!