The Real Housewives of Melbourne Finale – TGIF


TGIF meaning… Thank God It’s Finished and can somebody please fill up my wine glass.

Last year when Dr Patrick died on Offspring I was devastated to the point of Oh My Goodness this happened in real life and I feel sad and in mourning and sad and did I mention sad?

Patrick Offspring

It was one of the first times I actually felt a level of real emotion towards fictional characters.

The baby! What about the baby! How will Nina cope? They loved each other so much! Woe! Woe!

But then Offspring took a break and in the process we mourned Dr Patrick and mentally prepared ourselves for him not returning in the new season… alive anyway.

*Side note: Offspring is BACK SOON and judging by the season preview a great volume of tears will be shed in the first episode. The mourning is not over. Call a waaaambulance.*

I’m digressing a little but there is a point here, I promise.

Back to emotions.

It’s not often I feel emotionally attached to characters on television. It’s not often I feel my heart racing in anticipation for what will happen next. It’s not often I actually feel myself becoming ropable at what is supposed to be light and fluffy entertainment best enjoyed with a glass of red.

Especially when it involves the Real Housewives.

Because even though it’s called reality television, in actual reality it’s not always real, right? Sometimes it’s impossible to believe the drama because it seems so scripted. And sometimes we like it like that – which is why we often just take the crazy with a grain of salt.

But. This. This show is beyond crazy. Beyond scripted. Beyond vile. Beyond beyond beyond.

I mean. From the grain of salt drama that is The Real Housewives of New York City, we now find ourselves (embarrassingly) watching our very own Real, Very Real, Evil, Vicious, Housewives of Melbourne with Absolutely No Boundaries or Moral Compass to Speak Of.

Just to break it down for you in one sentence, one of it’s stars just yesterday rolled her eyes at the word cancer.

Enough said. Right?


Here are a few things that just positively frazzled me last night. And I know that sounds dramatic but I also know I’m not the only one. #TwitterOutrage

Lydia and Andrea’s coffee meeting

The other day, a good friend of mine was telling me that her five year old had an issue with a few meanies at school.

“You’re not coming to my party!” One child said spitefully.

My friend’s child responded with, “Well you can’t come to mine either!” Fair, I think, given they are five years old.

The other child retaliated with, “It doesn’t matter anyway, because I’ll make everyone NOT go to your party!”

My friend’s child came home in tears.

And while it’s a bit shitty that some kids are subjected to poor treatment or childhood bullying, often they just don’t know better.

Because they are FIVE.

So last night, our two resident meanies – actually, let’s not call them that because flattering – Lydia and Andrea sat at a coffee shop together discussing why they weren’t going to Gina’s charity night because they weren’t going to give in after being called the C-Word because how offensive can you be!

And while Gina graciously extended the olive branch, Lydia sat on the other end of the phone mocking her.

Like she was FIVE.

And not only did she roll her eyes when Gina spoke about her cancer journey, her abhorrent behaviour continued in the interview, childishly singing, ‘we don’t care Gina!’

I mean. Can it get any more vile?

I am one of many people that have witnessed family and friends suffer – and die – from cancer. When you roll your eyes at Gina’s plight – regardless of how you feel about her - you violently spit in the face of every cancer sufferer and survivor.

But once my anger towards her subsided, I did wonder if in fact she was of sane mind.

I wondered if she was even able to comprehend things properly. You know, like actual humans do. Because actual humans know that Cancer is bad, very bad, and not something you dare roll your eyes at.

But of course, as she’s reminded us numerous times, she can fly planes. This is the girl that has said the Louvre is in London and spells “Present” as “Percent” on Twitter so can someone please send me my mail-order Pilot Licence too please?

Back to the coffee meeting of minds.

The women discuss that Janet is attending Gina’s charity function and decide to call and bully her out of going. They didn’t even let the woman speak.

Not even Janet’s excuse that it’s for the cause can encourage them to be remotely reasonable and understanding.

Because if we aren’t going – you shouldn’t either!

*See five year old party analogy earlier*

After all, what’s Cancer when you’ve been called a C-word! Especially when you are someone that set the tone of nasty behaviour from the very beginning. Pre-C-word. Pre-shoes on the tennis court. #Thredbo

By the way, do you even own a tennis court?


Andrea and Gina’s ‘business meeting’

I mean. The woman brought a checklist.

Is this the same woman that claims to not have any spare time? The woman that is busy busy busy?

What intelligent woman needs to write a checklist of disgruntlements? An organic, meaningful disagreement usually can be had with issues from memory. If you don’t remember them – they probably aren’t important.

It was just another embarrassing and transparent attempt at trying to assassinate Gina’s character.

But let’s be clear here: Gina owned Andrea at this ‘business meeting’. Andrea was flushed, and understandably so. Gina positively ran rings around her in intelligence. 

And I found myself cheering! And smiling with pride and glee because Gina finally bit back. 


Janet, Jackie and Chyka

Early on in the season, Janet showed so much promise. She stood up for Gina because she thought it was the right thing to do. Until she sold herself to the devil.

While Jackie appeared to stay out of all the drama, she is far from innocent. She stirred the pot where possible and then watched it all unfold from a distance, claiming shine shine shine.

And Chyka – who doesn’t love Chyka? I didn’t know what the Big Group was before but now I do and I’m totally a fan. Being on the cast was a probably a positive thing for not only Chyka’s public persona but her empire. She stood her ground when she felt it was right and was dignified all the way.

Lydia once said on Twitter…

… that the real Gina will reveal herself in the last two episodes. I kept wondering when those moments would come.

They didn’t. In fact, Lydia probably wishes she never agreed to the show to begin with because perhaps those last two episodes were the worst for her. Bar Mission Bitch Beach, of course.

But then again, can you get worse than rolling your eyes at cancer?

Or is that editing too? Or is it how they ‘percent’ you on television? 

And as we wait for the reunion, no doubt Andrea and Lydia will hope and pray what is revealed will be enough to redeem their ugly behaviour.

I’m no psychic but I can tell you right now that it won’t.

Because playing dirty never wins.

I’m baffled – how is there even a ‘Team Lydia’ or ‘Team Andrea’? Are you on either one of them?

Is the excuse that ‘it’s just a show’ good enough for such poor behaviour?

I always love to hear your comments and appreciate every one so please – join the discussion!

  • Quirky75

    The woman who “can fly planes” but was looking at the wrong map on the way to King Island and was told by her husband not to touch anything? God help us all if she ever does get to fly solo.

    • Kat Caravella – Mamma’s Vida

      I remember her husband saying that… Doesn’t say much for his faith in her flying!

  • Pammy

    Mmm, Malaysian airlines pilot maybe. Clueless…

    • Kat Caravella – Mamma’s Vida

      Totally clueless!

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