To kid or not to kid in a fancy shmancy restaurant

The+Sushi+Restaurant+Adults+Only+No+Children+Sign

Once every so often something is written about babies in cafés and restaurants and to be frank (yet empathetic) I have found it is - more often than not – written by someone that isn’t a parent.

You see, I have been childless once. I have been on a plane next to a screaming kid and I have totally been the person that swears by contraception in every form to ensure I never, ever have one of those.

I have been the person that has desperately tried to lip-read in a conversation where voices were inaudible because of a toddlers tantrum at the table next to us. I have *possibly* even discretely rolled my eyes and perhaps said once in a private conversation “this isn’t the place for babies.”

Its the age-old argument as to whether kids should be allowed in restaurants. And judging by the comments every time one of these pieces are written, its one people feel strongly about. And rightly so.

So yesterday, The Hoopla published this story about a couple that brought their 8 month old baby to a super duper, fancy shmancy, fine dining restaurant and the cheeky monkey, as many babies are, was a tad disruptive. Fellow patrons weren’t happy and the chef/owner tentatively suggested – on twitter no less – that babies perhaps become banned from such establishments.

As a parent that has visited many an eatery, kids in tow, I knew immediately after reading this piece it was something I wanted to write about – something I wanted to discuss – using personal experience that goes back to when my biggest darling was just a newborn.

As most of you know, my husband is a professional footballer and when I gave birth to Sienna, he was plying his trade on the sunny Gold Coast. It was an incredibly happy yet extremely difficult time for me as a new Mum.

Professionally, things were going swimmingly for us. My husband was enjoying his football and we had started a new business together. We were living in a city that barely went below 20 degrees in winter and so the sun always put a smile on our dial. We had just welcomed a new little baby and while things were lovely when my husband was at home – when he was travelling with the team, I was alone.

I was fortunate to live on a street that had lots of cafés and restaurants nearby. Often after a horrendous, sleepless night – which was quite common with little Sienna in the early days - I would whack some concealer around my puffy, tired eyes, and stroll my baby girl to a local coffee shop.

All I remember is sitting there, savouring every sip of that Cappuccino. And while Sienna goo’d and gaa’d, I would take in the beautiful surroundings and would slowly come back to life.

Morning coffee at my local was my thing. And other times, when I didn’t have play dates scheduled I would take myself, Sienna and her pram out to lunch. She would either sleep under her muslin curtain or she would sit there and play with a toy, or book, or she would be breastfed.

It kept me sane while I was alone.

Even while my husband was home, we still went out to nice eateries with our baby – it was either take her or miss out completely. We didn’t have the luxury of having family to call to babysit, and I wasn’t keen on hiring babysitters while she was so little (I’m still not and she’s 4 years old now… But you can read more about that here )

So in order to still feel as normal as possible while in the haze of new parenthood, we continued doing what we liked to do together. We went out for coffee and cake, we wined and dined – and took our baby everywhere with us. It became part of our everyday life.

Since then, we’ve added another little girl to our brood. And I’ll admit… I’ve been a bit lucky. Perhaps because my kids had no choice but to get used to their babycino outings from birth, they are pretty well behaved in such surroundings. Give them a cookie, a crayon, some paper or – if behaviour is particularly off – an iPad, and they will be pretty pleasant and sociable.

But if not – I hit the road.

As parents, its up to us to use our common sense and above all… empathy.

Banning kids from any establishment – fancy shmancy or otherwise – is not the answer. Its a form of discrimination that offends me. I want to be given the choice.

Nevertheless, I do believe in the rights of all patrons. I do believe the next table should not have to listen to your child throw a tantrum for 15 minutes because “you will not give in”. I do not believe your baby needs to cry themselves to sleep in a café on a leisurely Sunday morning because you are practising “controlled crying” and cannot “break the routine”.

I think its the parent’s responsibility to assess whether their kids are being a nuisance. Lets be real here – all kids can be. We need to make the call to walk away if their behaviour sucks. We need to pack our baby bags and head to the nearest park where they can scream all they like or if its night time, take them home to have a bath and calm the hell down.

True Story

When Sienna was 6 months old we booked to go have lunch at a fancy schmancy restaurant in Tamborine Mountain. An hour drive later, we arrived, carefully transferred our sleeping baby to the pram and strolled on in, announcing our arrival at the desk.

Looking at the pram, the girl who greeted us said abruptly “Sorry. We have a no pram policy.”

I looked at my husband, raised my eyebrows, turned and replied, “Well my 6 month old is sleeping. Can we be seated in a corner so no one will notice the pram?”

She repeated, tone still abrupt but now with an added dash of impatience, “Sorry. No prams.”

Feeling myself get flushed with anger given I knew I had to wake my child, I then asked for a high chair.

She replied, “Sorry. We have no high chairs.”

“No high chairs available, or is that a policy too?” I retorted, clearly annoyed.

“Sorry. We have a no high chair or pram policy.”

“Why?” I asked, almost irate at this point. “That sounds like a no child policy to me.”

“Someone would have told you when you booked,” she said.

“No. They did not. Otherwise I would not be here”.

To cut a long story short, as embarrassing as it is and against everything I stand for, we stayed. We had arranged to meet a few friends and they were already in the restaurant waiting for us. Otherwise you best believe that my husband, my child, my PRAM and I would have hightailed the hell out of there.

And as I slowly took Sienna out of her pram, she slept in my arms through our entrée.

Once she woke up we all took turns holding her and needless to say, I was positively, absolutely mortified with the treatment we had received at this restaurant. Not only was she better behaved than some 12 year olds having lunch next to us, but we paid $200 a head for putrid service that will leave a bad taste in my mouth for years to come.

That night, I went home and immediately wrote a complaint letter to the restaurant’s generic email. To the owners credit, she promptly wrote back horrified at my experience and explained that the “no high chair and pram policy was more of a occupational health and safety issue than anything else” (yeah right) and asked if she could compensate by offering us a night’s free stay at her retreat which “Elle Macpherson frequents and is valued at $1000.”

Hell yeah.

The bottom line is…

Parents. You be the judge. Don’t be one of those arseholes that stays in a restaurant without regard for anyone around you. And patrons, don’t be one of those arseholes that sighs disapprovingly at the mere sight of a child.

Let’s all just try to get along and respect each other, shall we?

Do you take your kids to restaurants and where do you draw the line? If you don’t have kids, what do you think of kids being banned from your local? Fair or no?

  • http://leeannewalker1.wordpress.com Lee-Anne

    I agree with everything you say…it’s a discretionary thing, or it should be – it’s not that complicated! Parents should be acutely aware of their children’s behaviour and their effect on others, vacating the cafe/restaurant if they get too vocal. No pram/child places are discriminatory and just plain mean.

    My youngest daughter is a ‘cafe girl’ brainwashed into dining out from babyhood. Like you, it was necessary for my sanity! :)

    • http://mammasvidablog.wordpress.com Mamma’s Vida

      Totally discretionary! Its a shame all parents can’t work out when its time to hit the road…!
      I believe my girls will turn out just like your youngest daughter, café girls that will take their children to cafe’s from birth!

  • http://www.pinkypoinker.com.au Pinky Poinker

    An excellent post which covered both sides of the story. I had five children under 6 years of age and took them out all the time. Over those difficult years my main accessory was a baby bag filled with toys, rusks, crayons, paper… anything to distract them if they became restless. If one of them carried on too much (which was rare) we would finish up quickly and leave. Now my kids have grown up I’m the one sitting in cafes and restaurants watching other people’s kids acting up. I just smile empathetically at the parents cos I’ve been there and know their pain. Of course you see the occasional parents who don’t seem to give a damn and let their kids run around like ferals. That’s when I wish I still had my baby bag with me :)

    • http://mammasvidablog.wordpress.com Mamma’s Vida

      Wow! Five kids under 6 is totally medal-worthy!
      Sometimes you just need that time in the real world with your kids…to sip a coffee, order them some food…but as parents its up to us to keep them occupied, in line or its time to go!
      I do believe I have seen the ferals you refer to – it annoys me so much when I see parents that have no concern for others around them.
      And the baby bag is my saviour. Mine, like yours by the sounds of it, is something Mary Poppins would be proud of!

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