This week I’ve been thinking a lot about friendships; about people. It’s weird for me because in all honesty, I am that type that couldn’t give a rats about this kind of stuff. Truly. I’m usually of the mindset that it is what it bloody is.
And then there are moments where even I sit back and go… wow. You have balls to say that. You have balls to ask that of me. You have balls to be the self-indulgent, taker taker taker that you are.
Have you no shame?
I am lucky to have some magnificent friends and family in my life. For the most part, my friends have been around for yonks and forevs – and of course there are reasons why that is.
It’s quite simple, really. We just get each other. We wish well for each other. We support each other. We aren’t jealous of each other. We want each other to be the best humans possible.
Real friendship, no?
So in this post I’m people-categorising. You know, compartmentalising them in my heart and in my brain. Working out who is worth the precious, rare time I have spare these days. Because why waste life on people that offer you, well, nothing?
Excuse the Negative-Nelly tone to begin with, I plan to finish this post on a high. So we’ll get those that sit in the back row (or kicked out of the theatre entirely) out of the way first, shall we?
The friends that are ‘ever supportive’ when life is shit…
… but go missing when life is great.
You know the ones. They text you when they hear something bad happens, like maybe, you got fired. Or you lost a big client. Or work is shit, and they know. Or things aren’t great with your kids, or your personal life, or love, or anything at all really that means they can express their sympathy. Those types love to express their sympathy – especially if they think they have the perfect life.
They want you to know they feel sorry for you.
They send you messages like ‘really sucks what’s happening to you. You are in our prayers’.
Or call you, with an almost satisfied tone in their voice and and say ‘you don’t deserve this. Anything we can do to help we are there.’
Things start to go well. Life is looking up. You have great new opportunities and life is going swimmingly. And they know it. Because they hear it. They see it.
Where the f*ck do they go?
In fact, where the f*ck are they?
Where is their text saying, good for bloody you! Love that you are doing great!
Instead, they try to shoot you down. They say ‘how’d you manage that?’
And you know they’ll be back if things get shit again. Of course they will.
Because they’re supportive like that.
You know, those arseholes that ask ask ask for favours constantly. Those that will take a free coffee every single time because they think you are moneybags and will never in a million years offer to shout you one.
Or those that call in favours for favours they have never, ever reciprocated. I call them Mr or Mrs No Shame. They have absolutely no qualms in putting you out because either they don’t have a moral compass or they are deranged. Because somewhere along the way, after the eight hundredth favour, one has to stop, check themselves and say: I’ve probably taken the piss here. I should probably stop asking for favours. Every day. Every week. Because it’s getting embarrassing.
Note to user-types: If you are going to openly and outwardly be Mr or Mrs No Shame User, then have an ounce of dignity and try and return the favour… in at least a small way. Do what you can to show your appreciation.
F*ck. At the very least, a genuine and sincere thank you wouldn’t go astray.
God, I love these friends. They pop over, barely say hi, and go straight for your fridge.
I’m freaking starving, they say. A greeting might have to wait.
And then, after they’ve assembled a lovely little antipasto plate for themselves (or cheese sandwich if the fridge is empty) they say: so how are you?
They are the ones that tell you that you’re being a bitch to your husband; the ones that say your new jeans aren’t as flattering as the store mirror made them look and to return them because waste of money and you don’t look that hot; the ones that tell you to remove the snot from your nose and spinach from your teeth because again, not hot.
They are also the ones that smile with genuine, real, sincere glee when they see you happy; support all your business ventures and share them with all their friends and every ear that they can get a hold of at every opportunity; support you when things are shit, but also when things are magnificent.
Fridge raiders are just, well, there for you. Always.
The beautiful, good, friend that’s too polite to fridge-raid
My best friend and I have always had a friendship that’s quite the opposite of polite. She is definitely the closest thing I have to a sister (besides my actual sister, who is the bestest of all my friends) and we fight like The Kardashians. Okay, not that bad (because they can be pretty bloody shitty to each other) but we are definitely brutally honest. We say what’s on our minds, all the time, without filter. (She’s a fridge-raider)
But the friends also high up on the friend-hierarchy are those you know are real and beautiful and everything you love in people but are just too polite for the brutal honesty. They’re the type that are starving but they wait for your meal to come before they start (fridge-raiders don’t wait. They say I’m starting, I’m sorry. And you don’t care. Because you probably would start without them too if your meal came first)
These friends are the ones that tell you when you are wrong in a way that won’t offend you. They’ll tell you they are proud of you because they genuinely are. They won’t harass you constantly and say where the hell have you been if you’ve been busy, because they know you’ve been busy. They know you’ll catch up when you catch up.
And it won’t matter if it’s been months since you’ve seen each other – it will be just the same as it was before. Because you are perfect like that.
We’re a weird bunch aren’t we? So many personalities, so many styles of, well, person.
Of course we can’t all bloody get along!
As I’ve gotten older I’ve accepted that, you know, we aren’t supposed to like everyone – and everyone isn’t supposed to like us. Life isn’t always rosy and people will often let us down. And maybe we’ll let down people, too, no matter how unwittingly.
But what you can’t change, you can reduce from your life – if certain things, certain people, certain actions aren’t making you happy. If people make you sad, drag you down, or simply just piss you off on the daily, it might be time to say farewell.
What do you think about my people-categorising? Do you have any to add?All comments read, appreciated and responded to. So thank you x