When the world feels unbearable

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Today I woke up to the news that two hostages were killed in the Sydney Siege. I was so shocked. Were you? I mean. I went to bed thinking that if the gunman could go 10+ hours without shooting anyone, maybe he just wouldn’t.

And then he did. And two people died. Just like that.

Our family lost someone very close to us earlier this year. Just like that.

It was, it continues to be, the most horrendous experience. Because one minute he was here, the next minute he was gone. Just like that.

One thing it made me realise, and I mean well and truly realise, is that life is precious. Not just cliche precious. But really quite precious. And fickle and short and all the things that make you appreciate every minute you are here. Every single minute.

But how do you appreciate every minute you are here when you are mourning someone that isn’t anymore?

My heart breaks for the family and friends of Phil Hughes, the young Aussie batsman who died from a head injury while playing cricket. My heart breaks for the family and friends of Katrina and Tori, innocent human beings, that happened to be at the Lindt Cafe that morning. My heart breaks for every person that loses a loved one for any reason in the world and whether you were on the news or not, I feel you. I really do.

Sometimes things happen in the world and we get reminded that life can really be quite shit.

But amongst all the pain, all the agony, all the sadness, all the tears and all sleepless nights, sometimes we have to remind ourselves that there is good in the world, too.

There are things that make me see light amongst the darkness. Things that bring joy in what often feels like a dark cloud of encompassing mourning. Things that bring me peace after a year that can, quite frankly, go fuck itself.

Some of these things include, but aren’t limited to:

The smiles I see on my children that think the world is perfect and filled with toys and play do and crayons and Disney Junior and Santa and cuddles from their Mamma and Papa.

The laughter I share with family and friends over a few bottles of wine and a good meal.

The joy I see in my husband when he plays football. 

The thought of celebrating Christmas this year with family from all over Australia in the same place, for the first time ever.

The simple things. Like the sitting in the sun. Having a warm shower. Having my girls bring me a flower they picked or seeing their faces light up every Sunday when they know it’s pancake day. Drinking a good cappuccino made of skim and not almond milk because #gross.

And there are things that make me feel proud to live in Australia.

#PutOutYourBats

#IllRideWithYou

Amongst all the shit, there is good in the world. Don’t let anyone tell you that #PutOutYourBats was inconsiderate to other tragedies that aren’t as publicly mourned. Don’t let any media figure or hater convince you that #IllRideWithYou is patronising or offensive towards Muslims that are mistreated because of no reason other than their religion. Because the reality is, there are Muslims that are mistreated purely because of their religion. Mistreated purely because of their headwear or names or religious attire.

So let’s not get it twisted: the world, not just Australia, can be a judgemental and cruel place. And for this, #IllRideWithYou is brilliant. And necessary.

I am looking forward to Christmas, this year. But also not. Because it will be the first one without the beautiful man we lost. In fact, that’s the most difficult thing about life when you are grieving – there is never a happy moment without a sad one.

One thing is for sure. I’ll be happy to see the back of 2014 and am ready and able to embrace a new year, trying to focus on the good in the world, and the things that bring me joy.

What brings you peace when you are sad? How do you deal with tragedy – personal or horrible stuff you see in the news?

All comments read, appreciated and responded to. So thank you x
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